I am somewhat full of mixed feelings this week, from each moment to the next. I struggle to create a sustainable mood.
Reasons - different people. A (now, yet I still hope close) Ex, a Best Friend and a new Friend. I have discovered this week, I have many Radiographers who take interest in me and to the limits of a student relationship I return this. They look out, care and advise me; on all range of topics and issues.
I do look forward to going home and seeing my friends, an awful lot. However part of me is going to miss this place for those nine weeks. Though very little keeps me here for that time, the place I call home feels currently to have its limitations.
The main thing I have to face up to. Is returning to truly face up to the future of my friendship with my former, currently left very unsure of what she wants; due to her distancing and blunt language since seeing them on Sunday. I know what I would like, to have that friend: someone to share and confide in. I can live without the romance, but the friendship I am not so sure of; I guess if my hand is forced… Well I shall not have any other decision. The stupid thing is at this stage I don’t dare ask, unless they approach me; then thou shalt wait with some level trepidation till my return.
Despite this, much has left me happy and contented. A good week has been had so far on placement. At the start of the week, I got to swim with one of my nephews for the first time; so much fun. Then I look forward to spending Saturday, attending to myself. Waking and following the whim that day presents me, with no plans or needs-must before waking up that morning.
Long boring post, but feel better for writing it down and sharing in a semi-anonymous platform. So que sera sera. :)